When Comfort Becomes Confining

Everyone should be familiar with the Peanuts character Charlie Brown, created by cartoonist Charles Schultz. Charlie Brown’s best friend was Linus. Linus carried around with him a security blanket. No matter where he went, the blanket went. It was Linus’ covering, his security, sometimes even his source of strength.

In a totally different genre, specifically music, many who are old enough to recall first hand and others who are connoisseurs of soul, recall The Godfather of Soul, James Brown and his infamous performances that often, if not always culminated with him walking across the stage to exit. You will also recall that while walking across stage he would be draped with a cape which theatrically slowed down his performance, if for a moment, because once he reached the end of one side of the stage, he would inevitably muster up new strength, fling off the cape and perform with greater energy and life, to a charged up crowd.

I have painted these two contrast pictures describing a form of covering to illustrate the tension I have been feeling, but have not be able to fully describe until recently. But, before I go there, allow me one more illustrative example.

This one is the fable of the boiling frog. The premise as stated in Wikipedia, is that if the frog is placed suddenly in a pot of boiling water, it will jump out. However, if the water is lukewarm when placed in the pot, it will not detect danger and remain in the water while it is slowly brought to boil which will eventually cook the frog. Wikipedia explains, “The story is often used as a metaphor for the inability or unwillingness of people to react to or be aware of sinister threats that arise gradually rather than suddenly.” Now, modern day biologist say that although the premise is true, a frog will eventually jump out when they feel the change in temperature. I would call it self preservation.

Okay, now we can get started. For a good while I have felt stuck - physically, emotionally, logistically, creatively, relationally, mentally, financially and spiritually. I have sought ways to describe, discard, dismiss, dismiss, distinguish, release, rebuke, reset, recharge, extract, explain, explore, express, pray, pry, plead, push out, press pass...I think you get it. It’s been frustrating to experience, and even more frustrating trying to express. Therapy has helped me explore each piece of my “stuckness”. Through my sessions, I have felt some level of release and new traction has occurred - a praise goes here! However, here I am still feeling residue from some, and the heavy adhesive from most areas of my life and a sister is over it. I am less then two years from 50, and I am declaring that my latter WILL be greater then my former days. And, that is a declaration because a lot of my former days were some amazing times...good, bad, crazy and ALL memorable. So, the latter must possess greater, better and complimentary to my now and next. This “stuckness” is stalling it.

Well, after a few recent conversations with some dear friends, who are deeply invested in their relationship with me and have a directline to God, I have been able to articulate through visualization what I have been experiencing and man has it been liberating. It has also given me a point, a place from which I can start to shimmy myself out of this “stuckness” and begin sashaying my way into life.

I have had a security blanket, my beautiful home, for over 12 years. When I moved and didn’t know anyone, I created, with intentionality a sancuturary for me. Once back from travel for work or while in town working, my home became my retreat, my safe place, my security blanket. However, like the frog placed in a lukewarm pot, the feeling of comfort from my surroundings began to confine and cook me - enter “stuckness”. It didn’t happen all at once. I mean, it has taken years, and various people who knew and know know me, to see and say it. But, yet, I couldn’t stop it. The comfort created a fear to explore. Which is CRAZY, because my passion to explore and leap taking before the net appeared is how I moved to a new city in the first place. My faith walking is how I quit my job over 14 years ago, with a new car note, a mortgage and no clients, to start my own public relations firm. Where is THAT Monica? My dear friend Michelle, who’s home with the Lord now, once walked in my house and before I could say hi, she was asking, “Where is Mo?”, “What have you done with my friend?” She was speaking about how I was dressed. According to her, I had lost my edge. My style was gone. I looked homily. She literally dragged me into my closet and ordered me to find something else to wear that she approved represented her Mo. I did.

Yes, where is Mo? The chick who had no fear of how the universe would respond to her next move. And, definitely didn’t get caught up wondering what folks thought or said about her. Like the frog, the pleasant place has gradually become uncomfortable. Just when it appears the performance, my passionate performance is nearing the end and my security blanket, turned heavy weight over my shoulders is ushering me towards stage left, I press pause and pray. And, then, just like James Brown, I rise up, throw off the heavy cape and race back to center stage, grab the mic and bellow out my next performance with greater passion, confidence, clarity, initentionality and energy.

The comfort season served a purpose. I failed to discern its expiration, which created a confining and confusing condition. But, God! I am finally able to articulate what I have been feeling and, as James Brown would say, “I feel good!”